Jan 2nd 2007, Tuesday: 136 days to go...

Just as if it’s not enough to cope with the obstacles of the army, now I also have to cope with the stupidity of the other soldiers. I have to face the reality of Turkey since I came here, some people, no, MANY people are unbearably stupid no matter where they graduated from. I also realized the fact that many Turks don’t know shit about Atatürk and his real value. That’s why they keep talking to each other saying what’s so great about him. And in the military they give extremely shallow information about him. Like, I bet no one in here knows that Atatürk was chosen as the soldier of the century by foreign commanders, because he’s the only commander who GATHERED an army himself as well as he commanded it.

I’m afraid army’s gonna get a lot harder if after the recruit training I’ll have to deal with these people rather than ignoring them. I’m sure it’s the same in every country, but I just can’t believe how many TOTALLY USELESS waste of oxygens there are around. Just around me right now there are at least a couple, I can understand from what they’re talking about. Anyway...

This morning I talked to a friend about inter-rail. It sounds so tempting to get on a train and visit other countries, especially if you’re a prisoner. I don’t know if I’ll have the money to do it this summer, but I WILL do it. This year or next year, I’ll break out of the borders and visit a few countries with my friends, and shoot videos, I WILL.

Jan 1st 2007 Monday: 137 days to go...

(16:33) A few days ago I saw the photo of a beautiful 24 year old girl on the newspaper. She was a lawyer, had a wealthy family, and for no apparent reason she committed suicide. As her last letter she said she’s slowly going insane. I just can’t get it out of my mind. I keep thinking that if I were there, I could both save her and tell her there’s much more to get from life. As long as you’re alive, there’s no reason to end your life, though I can understand why she would get depressed like that. It’s either she broke up with the love o her life, or failed the job of her life. There used to be times suicide seemed like the only logical way, but now I know there’s always a way out. I kept thinking about her for the last week during the training. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there to help her out, because I KNOW I could. When your life is jammed, you know what to do, format & restart. If you have faith in life, you can get over everything. You can quit your job and start a small one. You can find a better lover because there’s always someone who deserves you more. Anyway, you should never think of something like that. Don’t forget, there’s ALWAYS a way out.

Dec 31st 2006 Sunday: 138 days to go

(11:00) Today was the most bitter New Year’s Eve for me. No, not because it’s the first holiday I’m spending away from home, away from my family and my loved ones. It’s because I had a really bitter time at the bathroom this morning because of the extra-spicy-uncooked-meatballs I ate with my friends.

Yesterday I decided to get rid of the depression and join the activities my friends have. At 2PM we gathered on the soccer field and had a 6 vs 6 match with 12 players from all around Turkey. Right after the match we joined the rest of the 3^rd team (the team I’m in) to eat a very traditional Turkish food. It’s raw meat, mixed with various types of spice, and it’s so spicy that the meat cooks inside the spice.

We gathered around a table and started eating. It was so fun watching people get red and sweaty as they eat. It was an unforgettable meal, with 36 different people coming all around the country. You know, Turkey is not like any other country. People in each city, east, west, middle, north, south, southeast, they all have different characteristics, very different lifestyles and very different accents. To tell the truth, that experience was worth all th pain I had to suffer. It opened my eyes even wider. I always wanted to represent the Turks on Youtube, but now I know no one alone can represent Turks by himself. You may find any type of people anywhere you look.

(13:12) Things to do when I finish my military service:

* Take a vacation until September.

* Attend all the camps my hiking club prepares.

* Buy a canoe.

* Fix my bike and restart riding.

* Re-install and play M.A.X., worms 4, and old PC and arcade games.

* Restart playing chess.

* Continue my Youtube videos.

* Read “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix”

* Buy a music keyboard and restart making music.

* Buy a telescope and continue observing stars & planets.

* Go to aikido lessons by a ship across İzmir Bay.

* Watch anime, Prison Break & Lost

* Rent all the movies I missed here. Watch older movies with my friends.

* Study Japanese harder & finish reading my astronomy notes.

* Restart playing FRP.

* Try to start caving.

* Restart swimming in the pool of my campus.

* Start studying bokken and continue studying Jo.

(15:15) I told you I was gonna tell you about the speech Tough C gave at the night training. The topic was “sound discipline” and he made us run with our rifles. After we came back he started his speech. I realized that when there are no ladies around, even the teachers start talking slang language. Every one word out of two was a curse, though not offensive. In fact he was so successful at making us laugh with every word he said just like a stand-up comedian. After a few minutes of laughs, he said “if real soldiers would make as much sound as you did while walking on the mountains of east, terrorists would recognize them from a km away and would say ‘look a squad of idiots are coming. Let’s fuck them to death instead of wasting bullets.’” After waiting for us to finish laughing he said “Except they really fuck the soldiers to death” and the laughter instantly turned into a stone cold look on our faces. And then he told us the ways terrorists kill our people, and added that these are not things he heard, these are how he actually lost some of his friends. He told how the captive soldier begs for death after getting mutilated slowly day after day.

(18:46) What I got used to:

* Getting up early, wearing army clothes, lame food, snoring people in the dorm, pooping to Alla-Turca toilets, having shower once a week with ice-cold water.

What I couldn’t get used to:

* The intense stink of some long terms as if a sweaty dead horse pissed on them. The continual thought of being imprisoned which still prevents me from enjoying anything. Taking a 3 minute warm shower by getting in line. Being away from girls. Being away from my family.

(21:50) It’s almost New Year. I watched a very funny movie called “Shaolin Soccer”. Right now I’m in bed, here it is calmer and more comfortable. After 2 years, I’m spending a New Year’s Eve without my friends, and for the very first time without my family. So there’s no need to miss my sleep. I think it’s also gonna be the very first New Year which I didn’t see the midnight.

Dec 29th 2006 Friday: 139 days after midnight...

Today, we got on buses, and got outside the barracks for the first time in 18 days. The reason was to go to the shooting ground which is near a large prison. For the first time we loaded real bullets to our rifles, and shot 6 bullets. The gun didn’t recoil to wound our eyes or nose as everyone was afraid of, but the sound was piercing. After 3 succesful shots, my ears were almost deaf so I stumbled my last 3 shots.

After that our substitute commander made us sit down and tell jokes to him. He’s a low rank commander who doesn’t like to work unless his superiors watch him over. So that’s a good characteristic for us.

By the way, let me tell you about the 3 commanders of our team. The main commander is a sergeant major which is I think the best superior in here. He’s a real soldier who has experience in warfare just like Tough C. Let’s call him “Our C”. He teaches everything better than everyone and he’s not too tough on us. He definitely knows the difference of college graduates.

Second commander is a dickhead who’s stupid and therefore has to shout and punish in order to cover his incompetence. Of course he can’t do anything while Our C is around. The third commander is the one we had today. He’s the lowest rank of all, and mostly harmless.

Dec 28th 2006 Thursday: 139 days after midnight

We’re being tested with all aspects of military. First it was heat & sweat, then it was dickheads, yesterday it was extreme cold. I don’t know how weather is changing so quickly. Yesterday I thought my hands were going to shatter to pieces, I still have open wounds on my hands. And today was the easiest day of all. The weather was good, we did practically nothing. The abominable commander is excused for a few days so the substitute commander did nothing but pretend to make lessons.

Dec 26th 2006 Tuesday 141 days after midnight

(20:40) Today was supposed to be a very tough day but as you can see it’s over. It was our turn to clean the dining room after the breakfast, lunch and dinner. We also had to take a night lesson. And the lessons themselves are stressful enough thanks to barking puddles. Cleaning the dining room didn’t turn out to be such a tough task unlike many people told us. I switched my mind off and swept the large room, refilled the water-bottles, re-arranged the chairs.

At night it was fun. We grabbed our guns and started running on the training field like commandos, hehehe.

At the end, Tough C made a speech to finish the training. I’ll tell about it later, probably on the weekend, because I don’t wanna rush it up.

Dec 25th 2006, Monday 142 days after midnight

(20:41) Days are supposed to go faster but they’re slowing down constantly. My brain is getting numb because some commanders are trying to make my days harder by shouting, insulting and punishing. When they go home they’re probably telling how they went tough on college boys, and what’s more they’re getting paid to do this shit.

But you know what? Here’s what I have to say to them. You think you’re satisfying your ego by screwing us up, but you’re nothing more than barking puddles. I will finish this recruit training and serve military, and go civilian, talk to people all around the world, represent my country on Youtube, visit places you’ll never see even on TV, date with girls your imaginations can’t handle, will be known by more and more people everyday, while you live in your scum, like a lifeless bug who bites anyone who gets in the way. You’re doomed to live here your loser life, and no matter what you do, I’ll leave this prison one day and wave at you from the bus...